Amanda Bynes is still alive.
The former actress and all-around bad driver emerged on Instagram last weekend, wearing a red turban, showcasing wicked-looking fingernails, and saying she's been away for several weeks because her phone was stolen and her fans should follow her there.
Then, of course, the weirdness began.
According to TMZ, Bynes then posted the same picture of herself (wearing a turban and sunglasses) three different times with three different captions, specifically "Bout to get my nails done," "What up doe" and "Love my turban."
No word on whether she was doing all this while driving.
She also shot a picture of her crotch area in skinny jeans with the line "Losing weight is hard."
After a bizarre year of DUIs, hit-and-run accidents, locking herself in store dressing rooms, smoking pot in public, and various other random acts of nuttiness, Bynes still faces a DUI charge, two charges of hit and run, and two charges of driving on a suspended license. She is due back in court on November 29.
CHARLIE SHEEN APPARENTLY PASSING OUT MONEY: Charlie Sheen gave Lindsay Lohan $100,000.
No, it wouldn't be the first time Charlie Sheen has given a woman money. And, no, we can't be entirely sure how she earned it or plans to pay it back.
No, our minds are not in the gutter. Not totally.
The IRS filed a lien against the actress for failing
According to TMZ, Sheen has ridden his white ... whatever ... in to save the day. Sheen gave $100,000, a bit less than half of the $234,000 she still needed to pay the IRS, according to Forbes. The two reportedly became friendly in recent months working together on the Shakespearean classic "Scary Movie 5."
Lohan initially declined her new pal's help, according to TMZ. Then she realized that not even Sheen could waste all that money he made being the highest-paid actor on television and supposedly took him up on the offer.
Lohan should be able to take care of the rest of her bill soon, provided she only gets in one or two car accidents this year. Forbes reported she's on track to make about $2 million this year.
'TWO AND A HALF MEN' STAR CALLS SHOW 'FILTH': Speaking of Charlie Sheen, he must be laughing hysterically somewhere right now.
Angus T. Jones is pleading with his fans to stop watching "Two and a Half Men," saying it's nothing but "filth" that contradicts his deep Christian values.
Of course he's still cashing the checks. After all, this is still America.
Jones -- the "half" part of the show who makes $350,000 an episode playing Jake -- is featured in a new video for the Forerunner Christian Church, in which he talked about his commitment to his faith and said, "If you watch 'Two and a Half Men,' please stop watching 'Two and a Half Men.' I'm on 'Two and a Half Men' and I don't want to be on it."
Better save that money, kid. I somehow have a feeling you may get your wish.
"Please stop watching it and filling your head with filth," he said. "People say 'it's just entertainment.' Do some research on the effects of television and your brain, and I promise you you'll have a decision to make when it comes to television and especially with what you watch on television. It's bad news."
Tell me about it. Lindsay Lohan had a charmed life until she started doing TV movies.
Jones also suggests that Satan is somehow involved with "Two and a Half Men." Which is odd, since Charlie Sheen already left the show.
"If I am doing any harm, I don't want to be here," Jones said. "I don't want to be contributing to the enemy's plan. You cannot be a true God-fearing person and be on a television show like that. I know I can't. I'm not OK with what I'm learning, what the Bible says and being on that television show."
Somehow I don't think he's going to have to worry about being on any television show ever again.
Jones said he turned to religion after realizing his life was on a "downward trend," which included drug use and speeding tickets. He also said he smoked weed and took acid in high school.
HALLE BERRY'S EX COULD BE IN TROUBLE: Halle Berry's ex probably isn't very thankful for what happened on Thanksgiving.
Following a Thanksgiving day brawl at Berry's home between her ex boyfriend Gabriel Aubry and her current man Olivier Martinez, the Los Angeles County Department of Family and Children Services will formally reopen an abuse investigation involving Berry and Gabriel's 4-year-old daughter, Nahla, according to RadarOnline.
Aubry and Martinez, both ended up in the hospital after they got in a fight on Nov. 22. Aubry was photographed Monday with a black eye. Martinez had a swollen hand. You do the math.
Aubry was arrested and is now facing battery and misdemeanor charges. Because Nahla was present during the fight, police formally contacted DCFS after Aubry was arrested, a source told the website.
According to TMZ, Berry got an temporary restraining order against Aubry, which she's trying to turn into a permanent order.
This guy may have won the lottery in the looks department, but was obviously out sick the day they were handing out smarts.
"Nahla wasn't actually involved in the melee, and by all accounts, Halle whisked her out of the driveway as soon as the fight between Olivier and Gabe started. However, DCFS was contacted because there has been a history of allegations of physical abuse. Social workers will be interviewing Halle, Gabriel and Olivier about what happened on Thanksgiving. DCFS must ensure that Nahla's environment is safe," the source told RadarOnline.
In January, Aubry was investigated for criminal child endangerment and battery allegations, after the nanny he employed to care for Nahla claimed that he pushed her into a door while she held his daughter in her arms. The case was later dropped upon the recommendation of DCFS, which ultimately found no evidence that Nahla was in any danger.
Berry and Aubry have battled for months over custody of the little girl. The actress' request to be allowed to move to France with her daughter was recently rejected by a judge.
CHRIS BROWN HAS NASTY EXCHANGE WITH COMEDIAN: Chris Brown quit, then rejoined, Twitter, after having a nasty exchange Sunday night with comedian Jenny Johnson.
The vitriolic spat started when Johnson responded to Brown's tweet of "I look old as (expletive)! I'm only 23..." by tweeting "Being a worthless piece of (expletive) can really age a person."
It pretty much went downhill from there.
"I have zero respect for a person who seems unapologetic for the terrible crime he committed and shows no signs of changing," Johnson later added. She also shared a link to an MTV story that detailed Brown's February 2009 assault on ex-girlfriend Rihanna, with whom he has since reconciled. (In fact, Rihanna, herself an avid tweeter, posted a shirtless photo of Brown, apparently in her bed, the night before, according to The Huffington Post.)
Brown didn't have much to say about the conversation until a few hours after it seemingly ended, when he tweeted "Just ask Rihanna if she mad?" and followed up with a line about how society was immature. He then deleted his Twitter account altogether, though he rejoined Monday afternoon.
Right ... dumb society, all expecting men not to beat women bloody for looking at their phones without permission. That's just so immature and stuff.
This isn't the first time Brown, who was listed as having 11.5 million followers on the social media network, has done away with his Twitter account. The singer quit Twitter in 2009 and again in November 2011, after ranting about -- you guessed it -- the Rihanna incident.
"I don't say (expletive) to anybody and everyone feels its cool to attack me. GROWN ADULTS!!!! that (expletive) happened three years ago!" he wrote at the time.
ROBERT PATTINSON AND KRISTEN STEWART SPEND THANKSGIVING TOGETHER: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson spent Thanksgiving together with Pattinson's family in London, according to TMZ.
Why yes, this is terribly important knowledge.
The fact that the pair spent the holiday together with Pattinson's family seems to verify that, yes, they really are a couple again, not something put back together by a movie studio to boost ticket sales for the recently released "Breaking Dawn -- Part 2" (the film garnered $64 million in its opening weekend, so somebody did something right).
It also would seem to indicate that Stewart has achieved forgiveness from Pattinson and his family, after last summer's scandal that erupted after it became public knowledge that Stewart cheated on Pattinson with her "Snow White and the Huntsman" direct Rupert Sanders.
I don't know about you, but I feel a lot better now, should that whole Mayan calendar, end-of-the-world thing happen.
The pair was photographed Friday at New York's JFK airport, back in the U.S. after their trip.
NOVEMBER 27 IN HISTORY
Tuesday is Nov. 27, the 332nd day of 2012. There are 34 days left in the year.
1839: The American Statistical Association was founded in Boston.
1901: The U.S. Army War College was established in Washington, D.C.
1910: New York's Pennsylvania Station officially opened.
1911: The stage comedy "The Playboy of the Western World" by J.M. Synge received a hostile reception in New York because of its portrayal of Irish characters.
1942: During World War II, the Vichy French navy at Toulon scuttled its ships and submarines to keep them out of the hands of German troops.
1962: The first Boeing 727 was rolled out at the company's Renton Plant.
1970: Pope Paul VI, visiting the Philippines, was slightly wounded at the Manila airport by a dagger-wielding Bolivian painter disguised as a priest.
1973: The Senate voted 92-3 to confirm Gerald R. Ford as vice president, succeeding Spiro T. Agnew, who'd resigned.
1978: San Francisco Mayor George Moscone and City Supervisor Harvey Milk, a gay-rights activist, were shot to death inside City Hall by former supervisor Dan White.
1983: A Colombian Avianca Airlines Boeing 747 crashed near Madrid's Barajas airport, killing 181 people.
1989: A bomb blamed on drug traffickers destroyed a Colombian Avianca Boeing 727, killing all 107 people on board and three people on the ground.
2002: U.N. specialists began a new round of weapons inspections in Iraq. President George W. Bush appointed former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger to lead an investigation into why the government had failed to foil the September 11 attacks. (The following month, Kissinger stepped down, citing controversy over potential conflicts of interest with his business clients.)
2007: A Somali immigrant was sentenced to 10 years in prison for plotting to blow up an Ohio shopping mall. Washington Redskins safety Sean Taylor died after being shot in his Florida home by an intruder.
2011: In an unprecedented move, the Arab League approved economic sanctions against Syria, to pressure Damascus to end its deadly suppression of an 8-month-old uprising against President Bashar Assad.
Director Kathryn Bigelow (Film: "The Hurt Locker") (61), TV host Bill Nye ("Bill Nye, the Science Guy") (57), Caroline Kennedy (55), Academy Award-winning screenwriter Callie Khouri (Film: "Thelma and Louise") (55), rock musician Charlie Burchill (Simple Minds) (53), former Minnesota Gov. Tim Pawlenty (52), drummer Charlie Benante (Anthrax) (50), drummer Mike Bordin (Faith No More) (50), actress Robin Givens (48), actor Jaleel White (36), actor Arjay Smith (TV: "Perception") (29), actress Alison Pill (27).