Darting here and there ...

-- Levi's Stadium is officially open. Welcome! Wear the wrong brand of jeans to the game, though, and you could get the boot.

-- With that in mind, at what point will punter Andy Lee be pressed for a name change?

-- Complaint we're bound to hear about the sparkling new digs: "It's too sunny. When are they going to close the roof?"

-- Second complaint: "I used to love chitchatting while in long lines for the women's restroom at Candlestick. Now I have to go back and sit next to my loudmouth husband!"

-- Third complaint: "We took out a second on my home to get these tickets, and all my kid wants to do is go next door and ride the Tiki Twirl at Great America."

-- Not to worry, the new stadium is equipped with all the latest electronic enhancements, such as debit card machines that can handle any four-figure snack bar amount.

-- Fans will be so close to the action at Levi's that people in the first five rows will get free masks to protect themselves from flying Jim Harbaugh spittle.

-- NFL commissioner Roger Goodell couldn't have been more of a party pooper if he had painted himself up like Violator for the opening ceremony. Not a day to even mention the Raiders.

-- Lew Wolff stopped by the ribbon cutting and said, "Hey, if this lease thing of ours takes a sour turn and Selig says OK, how soon can we move in?"


Advertisement

-- Our Cam Inman says he motored right down Bill Walsh Drive to get to the opening ceremony. Ah, rats, we knew we shouldn't have turned onto the Dennis Erickson Expressway.

-- Seriously, we applaud Jed York and Co. for this marvelous accomplishment, as well as the decision not to proclaim the team the Golden State 49ers.

-- One question, though: Will they be playing "I Left My Heart In Santa Clara" after 49ers wins?

-- Of course, Levi's won't be officially christened until Michael Crabtree catches a touchdown pass over Richard Sherman.

-- It will be the answer to a neighborhood bar trivia question someday: Eddie DeBartolo caught the last TD pass at the pig sty.

-- Best stat from the 49ers Legends Game: zero deaths.

-- OK, McCartney, Candlestick is all yours. We have one last request, though: Play "Yesterday."

-- A clever reader notes that at the All-Star break, the Bay Area still led the Los Angeles Basin in the California regional baseball standings by a half-game: A's/Giants 111-79, Dodgers/Angels 111-80. Padres? Get lost.

-- Yoenis Cespedes hit 30 homers in the All-Star game Home Run Derby, but didn't have a real homer in 84 at-bats going in. A risky notion, to be sure, but maybe he should go helmetless from here on in?

-- Latest Tommy John candidate: Mike Gallego, who far exceeded his pitch count while throwing to Cespy.

-- Madison Bumgarner would have been a better finals rep for the National League than Todd Frazier. Heck, maybe even Lincecum.

-- Meanwhile, no homers in the derby and three whiffs in the game. So who else didn't get the memo that Yasiel Puig had been replaced by Yasiel Pig?

-- Even the retired Tim McCarver was probably screaming at the Fox broadcasters on his home flat-screen: "C'mon, guys, how about a moment for Tony Gwynn?"

-- Instead, we get the commissioner saying he wouldn't really have done anything differently over his 22-year tenure. Apparently, his memory goes back only 2-3 days anymore.

-- Speaking of which, four days for an All-Star break is too long. Which Kuiper does which team again?

-- Programming alert: CSN Bay Area will debut a documentary on the life and career of broadcasting great Lon Simmons at 7:30 p.m. Tuesday. Even better: Simmons, who celebrates his 91st birthday Saturday, gets to see it.

-- Best development of all at the All-Star game: It was tied 3-3 late, and there was no weighty discussion about possible penalty kicks.

-- Favorite Twitter one-liner we saw after the World Cup final: "Oh no, they've run out of beer in Germany!"

-- Finally, the Warriors were shockingly eliminated in the first round of the Las Vegas Summer League tournament. And the coach hasn't been fired yet?

Contact Carl Steward at csteward@bayareanewsgroup.com. More darting on Twitter @stewardsfolly.