Britney Spears is writing a novel.
Please don't snort your coffee all over the room like that. It's not very dignified.
No, really -- the pop star and "X Factor" judge is in talks for a book deal with HarperCollins imprint It Books, a source confirmed to E! News.
No, it's not a memoir. It's a novel, you guys. Like, with made-up characters and stuff.
Well, technically. Spears will follow the lead of such noted literary giants as Lauren Conrad and Nicole "Snooki" Polizzi and write something technically fictional that's based on her own experiences.
Spears' rep confirmed to the Hollywood Reporter that the book negotiations are happening. No word on what part of Spears' life the book would cover, though we real fans undoubtedly hope boy bands, head-shaving, and early morning Las Vegas weddings are involved.