DEAR AMY: Recently I was shopping and ran into one of my older brother's friends. He is 19 years old. I am 16.
I was attracted to him. He invited me to his house, so I went. He kissed me. I wanted to make out with him, but I did not want to go all the way and told him so.
We made out. I wanted to stop. I wanted only to kiss him. We ended up having sex.
I didn't say "stop" out loud. I kept thinking, "Stop! Stop! Stop!" But I didn't say it. I don't know why. I felt scared and shy. He didn't do anything to scare me. I just felt too scared to say stop. I felt stupid, too.
My mom's friend said I was raped.
She said: "You told him you didn't want to go all the way. He's older than you. He should know better." She said a girl has to say "yes," and if a girl doesn't say yes and has sex, then she was raped.
Was I raped? I don't want to go to the police. I just want to know the answer.
DEAR SAD: Your mother's friend is right. Though there are different legal definitions of rape in different states, you did not give your consent to have sex. And in some states, you are younger than the age of consent.
In fact, you said -- out loud -- that you didn't want to, and you were raped. You were scared. You were in his house, he is older than you -- I'm assuming he is bigger than you, and I'm also assuming
I am so sorry this happened. Your confusion is common to people who have been through this, and is completely understandable.
Your mother's friend sounds kind, smart and supportive. Please let her help you now. You need STD and pregnancy testing. (Planned Parenthood can provide testing and counseling; check www.plannedparenthood.org for your local clinic.)
I urge you to go to the police to get their advice about what to do, legally and otherwise. I realize you don't want to do this, but this guy must not walk around thinking that what he's done is OK. He might have done it before, or he might do it in the future.
I am certain that your willingness to tell your story will help many people.
For more support and information, you can check the Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network hotline at www.rainn.org or by calling 800-656-4673. The group now has an "online hotline" where you can chat with a counselor 24/7.
DEAR AMY: Your advice to "Tonya" about intervening when she saw a homeless man abusing his dog was right-on, I think. However -- she's worried about the dog? What about the homeless man?
DEAR GRETCHEN: I had the same thought. But the man, presumably, has the ability to make choices, which the dog, sadly, cannot make.
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