So there I was. A human. Visiting various animal attractions at the Oakland Zoo on a recent weekend, pausing briefly to ruminate over the camels in the camel enclosure because they were, well, camels, and they were cute. Did I mention they were camels? Well, they were. They were camels. And the necessity of my annoying emphasis of that fact will soon become apparent. Even to camels.

So there they were, camels in the mist of a garden-hose spray, scrunching up their scowly jowly faces like fuzzy Donald Trumps, welcoming a nice cool bath from one of their camel keepers.

One camel was vigorously chewing, possibly preparing to spit. There was no spittoon in sight. We took a step back. Another camel was lounging on the ground, post-bath, his or her distinctive back hump pitched a little to the left, Marty Feldman style. Or was it to the right? Regardless, he or she seemed blissful. No spitting occurred. A good time was had by all.

This was enjoyable, to be sure, but a few minutes of camel observation was sufficient and it was time to move on. As my husband and I strolled away, we passed some other visitors — a normal, intelligent-looking, fully grown adult Homo sapiens couple — who had also been observing the camels. In passing them, I said something to my husband along the lines of "Camels are cute." Because they are.

To my horror, the male component of the couple we passed, who had apparently

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overheard my comment, turned to his adult human female counterpart and said:

"Oh! Those are CAMELS, hon!"

???

He was not kidding. He was not being sarcastic. He was clearly one cookie shy of a full box of animal crackers. The CAMEL cookie!

Dude. What else could they possibly be? Camels are, well, camels! There's even a sign. It says, "Camels." It's not as if you're trying to discern between some obscure kind of antelope and some ambiguous sort of gazelle. Antelope/gazelle confusion is understandable. For one thing, they rarely appear on cigarette ads or in every major motion picture from the beginning of time that has a desert scene in it. Camels, however, do.

Camels are not rare, mystical, magical, made-up creatures that you might not recognize because they don't really exist. Camels are not like unicorns, dragons, pushmi-pullyus, orcs or Libertarians. In fact, camels make my list of the Top Five most recognizable and well-publicized critters on Earth, joining the ranks of elephant, zebra, giraffe and apple moth.

If you don't know what a camel is, you might find surprises in other departments of life, too. Oh, that's a car! Oh, that's a house! Oh, that's my brain! On drugs!

As far as I can tell, there are three possible explanations for this guy:

1) His brain was on drugs.

2) He's a space alien from the planet Zorbulon where the only four-legged animals they have are Chihuahuas and they use them as pack Chihuahuas in the desert.

3) He's a witch.

These possibilities are not mutually exclusive. They have drugs on Zorbulon, too, you know, and the witch problem is out of control.

Camels have even been in the news lately. A 24-year-old idiot was arrested last week for punching a camel at Six Flags in Vallejo. It was not in self-defense after a spitting incident. It was a premeditated punch. Another idiot dared him to do it, and then waited in a getaway car. Both idiots were taken into custody and punched. Not really: Just taken into custody, darn it.

The incident is, of course, shocking, unless this guy also did not know what a camel was, and thought he was punching Donald Trump.

"Oh. That was a CAMEL? My bad!"

Because, really, why would you punch a camel? They're so sweet, except for the spitting, and that's just a personal hygiene thing. The Dean family down in Fresno even has a camel for a pet, according to a recent news report. His name is Randell.

"He's a good buddy," said 7-year-old Megan Dean.

And Randell comes in pretty handy at Christmas. The Deans loan him out to a couple of local churches for their living Nativity scenes because Randell brings "authenticity" to the display, one pastor said.

So, camels are everywhere. They're popular. They're authentic.

Dumb animals are easily recognized. And if not, just read the sign. You know, the one that says "Humans.''

Contact Angela Hill at ahill@bayareanewsgroup.com.