THEY CALL IT the SmartMeter. It's a new, computerized device intended to help consumers — not to mention PG&E — figure out their energy use anytime they like.

In theory, the SmartMeter is far better than what we've had until now. The old meters required a PG&E employee to plod through the neighborhood, reading every meter along the way.

With the SmartMeter, it is supposed to be possible to use a central computer for all of that. In addition, the utility's customers are able to monitor their consumption of electricity and natural gas, which can help them conserve their energy use.

That's all well and good. But installing the replacement meters can be a bit daunting.

At least it was at our Peninsula manse.

The PG&E worker, a pleasant sort, showed up early for his appointment. And that was fortunate, because what he faced turned out to be difficult labor.

The fellow sweated for nearly three hours on this little project. He wrestled with pipes in a tight enclosure under the house. He had to get through chicken wire inserted to keep out unwanted critters.

But he did have help. Yes, yours truly was right there and ready to assist. It's still not clear whether that was a plus or a minus. I have certain limitations in the area of home improvement.

Nevertheless, I lent a hand. I handled a wrench; I slopped goo on pipe threads; I jostled the meter; I provided water

In some ways, I felt not unlike a plumber's or electrician's apprentice. In fact, I requested extra credit for the work. Sorry, no dice.

Now the question is: Once PG&E puts this thing in operation, will my utility bills be larger, smaller or pretty much the same?

We're going to find out once the whole system is hooked up and running. I'm not entirely optimistic. Anecdotal evidence of the new meter's accuracy has been spotty.

But at least the chicken wire is back in place where it belongs. So the raccoons can forget about setting up shop under the house anytime soon.

Thinner in the middle?

Meanwhile, in Foster City, the debate about how — and where — to house a growing number of young students continues.

But Sue Sullivan, who says she has lived in that island community for 26 years and sent her son to school there, has a question.

In an e-mail, she wonders how many of the children in Foster City public schools actually live in the town.

"Do they (the authorities) still check out their home addresses as they did when my son went to school?" she asks. "How come they all fit in Bowditch Middle School but not the three elementary schools?

"Seems like they come to Foster City for the good elementary schools but attend the middle schools in their own neighborhood, otherwise we would need a second middle school," she theorizes.

An interesting point.

Python revelations

The International Film Channel, or IFC, has been airing a cable-TV series about the characters involved in "Monty Python's Flying Circus," the 40-year-old British comedy series.

For those of us who had the good fortune to latch onto this oddball troupe early on, some of the new material has been illuminating.

Not the least of the revelations was the admission, by the late Graham Chapman himself, that his drinking habit was overwhelming at times.

He said that, at the height of his imbibing, he was consuming up to four pints of gin a day. He died in 1989 of cancer. He was 48.

Reach John Horgan by e-mail at jhorg@hotmail.com or by regular snail mail at P.O. Box 117083, Burlingame, CA 94011.