NO ONE LIVES on the wrong side of the tracks in our community. There are no tracks. The train pulled out years ago.

But there's still a social divide. To paraphrase the Robert Redford movie, a freeway runs through it.

The freeway is Highway 24. It has two sides: the good side and the better side.

The good side has Moraga, most of Lafayette and restaurants. The better side has Spring Hill, Happy Valley and Sleepy Hollow.

On one side, people eat. On the other, they get confused. Happy, hollow hills sound like Disneyland.

Nobody talks about the social divide. It's assumed that everyone who lives out here has arrived. And for the most part, they have. But everything's relative.

Some people arrived in business class. Others came in first class. A few of us rented a Ford Focus.

Think of those south of Highway 24 as being in business class. Those to the north are in first and someone's hanging up their coat.

Or, look at it this way:

There's a lady we know who lives above Orinda Village. That's on the tony north side of the freeway. The south side of Orinda, she says, is where the plumbers live.

Snooty? Yes. Come the revolution, she'll be on that creaky tumbril to glory. But hers is not an isolated view.

This north-versus-south thing didn't end at Appomattox. It runs through the heart of central Contra Costa County.

San Ramon thinks it's better than Dublin

You can discount Walnut Creek. They think they're better than everybody. But move into Lafayette and Orinda and the north-versus-south divide resurfaces.

Is it a problem? Not really. We're friends. We even eat at the same restaurants. But the north tips better.

As for housing — real estate costs more in the north. But not everything is better and fancier there. Our favorite multimillion dollar home is south of the slot.

It has breathtaking views, a private master suite and a glassed-in aerie devoted solely to a grand piano. Our friends say they'll sell it to us when they move.

We can't afford it. We're not plumbers.

The social divide in our community is subtle — more perception than reality. Both sides of the freeway have their advantages.

But is one actually better than the other? Look at the data and compare:

The north has views of Lafayette Reservoir. The south has Lafayette Reservoir.

Advantage: north; real estate professionals say you sell the view, not the water.

The north has a shortcut from Orinda to Grizzly Peak. The south has a shortcut to Hayward.

Advantage: north.

The north has Bruns Amphitheater. The south has Orinda Theatre.

Advantage: north on warm summer nights; south during the Pamela Anderson film festival.

The north has Orinda Country Club. The south has Moraga Country Club.

Advantage: north.

The north: more crosses. The south: more churches.

Advantage: both are blessed.

The north has Alon Yu of Lafayette. He owns Tommy Toy's in San Francisco. The south has the rest of the world's Chinese restaurants.

Advantage: north

The north has Bo's house. The south has Bo's Barbecue.

Advantage: depends on what's cooking at Bo's house.

The north has St. Stephen's Road. The south has Stein Way

Advantage: south — funnier.

The north has Deer Hill. The south has Old Jonas Hill.

Advantage: south.

The north's high school, Acalanes, had Norm Van Brocklin at quarterback.

The south's two high schools had Ken Dorsey and Drew Bennett at quarterback (Miramonte) and Matt Biondi (Campolindo) in the Olympics. There was also an astronaut, Stephen Robinson. No one knows if he played quarterback.

Advantage: south.

The north has Bentley School and Orinda Academy. The south has Saint Mary's College.

Advantage: south, until Patty Mills left.

The north has a farmer's market (Orinda). The south has a farmer's market (Moraga).

Advantage: south — it's bigger.

The north has a beautifully designed library (Orinda). The south has a beautifully designed library (Lafayette).

Advantage: north — it's open.

The north has gentleman vintners. The south has Wine Thieves.

Advantage: south; they also have The Round-Up.

The north has our friend Peter's house. The south has Lafayette Park Hotel.

Advantage: north — Peter's house sleeps more.

The north borders Pleasant Hill. The south doesn't.

Advantage: south.

The north has a downtown park (Orinda's). The south has a downtown park (Moraga's).

Advantage: draw.

The south also has petanque. In that case: north.

The south has butter/garlic/cheese dip at El Charro Mexican restaurant. No other place on earth has it.

Advantage: south.

Game: south

Set: south.

Match: south.

And here's an offer to El Charro: In exchange for free dip, free mentions in this newspaper. If editors cut the preceding, call on the private line.

Reach Mike Zampa at michaelzampa@yahoo.com