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This official White House photo shows President Barack Obama (R) and former Massachusetts Gov. Mitt Romney as they talk in the Oval Office following their lunch, on November 29, 2012 in Washington, D.C. (AFP PHOTO / THE WHITE HOUSE/PETE SOUZA)

Much speculation has followed the private luncheon between President Barack Obama and Mitt Romney.

Photographers captured grainy images of Romney arriving in a black SUV, from which he emerged unassisted. Reporters received only the luncheon menu in response to queries about what transpired: white turkey chili and chicken salad.

Alas, where there is a White House, there is always someone willing to whisper a few tidbits. According to Mr. Fly, the meeting began with small talk.

President: Governor, nice to see you again. Welcome to my Oval Office.

Romney: Thank you, Mr. President. Love the way you've decorated the place. But where's the bling? Heh-heh.

President: Mitt, you always know just what to say. Jay (press secretary Carney), could you let the chef know we're ready?

Romney: I don't suppose your chef speaks Spanish, eh? Just a little immigration humor. You know I never did employ any illegal aliens, despite what they said. Wow, is that the Churchill bust? I thought you gave it back!

President: No, that's Alfred Hitchcock. I'm a fan. You like turkey chili?

Romney: Love turkey chili! Of course, I love everything, especially America.

Carney: Mr. President, lunch is served.

President: This way, Mitt.

(Seated, the tone becomes more reserved.)

Romney: Mr. President, first I want to thank you for extending this invitation. I'm honored to be here and hopeful that I can continue to serve my country in any way you see fit.


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President: Thank you, Mitt. I appreciate your willingness to come here today. I know it can't have been easy. By the way, my apologies for your reception.

Romney: Oh, I'm used to hecklers.

President: I mean the media.

Romney: That's what I meant, too.

President: Very good.

Romney: Well, what can I do for you, Mr. President? Not to be presumptuous, but I think I have some ideas for turning around the economy.

President: So I've heard, but I'm really not that interested. I mostly invited you here because I said I would. Team of rivals and all that, blah, blah, blah.

Romney: Oh. Well, since I'm here, could I just say, Mr. President, that you really must cut discretionary and entitlement spending. Seeking $50 billion more in stimulus funds on top of raising tax rates will break the country. You will decimate the small business community.

President: (Stifles a yawn.) So I've heard, but again, I don't really care that much. I was re-elected and elections matter. Legacies matter even more. I have to raise taxes on the rich and I can't and won't cut spending on the less fortunate. Obviously, closing loopholes and capping deductions won't produce enough revenues to cut the debt and deficit.

Romney: Well, no, it won't, not unless you also significantly cut spending. Moreover, as you know, you're already raising taxes across the board with Obamacare. What happened to your saying you'd go anywhere and do anything to reach a compromise? If we go over this cliff and enter another recession, the American people are going to be hurting and eventually they'll understand why.

President: All true, Governor, but by then my agenda will be entrenched and most Americans -- your 47 percent, among others -- will be content with the nation's new organization. Eventually, even the middle class won't mind coughing up more in taxes. By the time I leave office, everyone will have equal access to health care; the rich won't be so rich and the poor won't be so poor. What's wrong with that?

Romney: Nothing much, Mr. President, except the reality is that not everyone can have everything. Moreover, what you've just described is not free-market capitalism.

President: (Bemused.) Your point?

Carney: Excuse me, Mr. President, but your next appointments are here. Gov. Christie, Gov. Jindal, right this way.

Kathleen Parker is a syndicated columnist.