Font ResizeI ENJOYED lunch recently with some well-aged lady friends to celebrate a birthday. After we exhausted the political discussion, mostly in exasperation with politicians in general, someone brought up Walter Cronkite's recent death. We all agreed he'd had a great career that lasted well into his old age and that he deserved all the accolades he got.
This brought us to wondering why we don't see any women as old as we are in positions such as TV news anchor or even game-show host. It seems many old men remain respected and revered well into old age while women over 65 are rarely seen on TV except as maybe a victim of a crime, or in ads for, say, walk-in showers or the Neptune Society. Oh, there are some in sitcoms like Diana on "Waiting for God" or Marie on "Raymond," but there's the problem. When we are represented, we're often seen as curmudgeonly and/or domineering — if not completely addlebrained.
In our culture where youth is worshipped and aging is dreaded like the plague, we have a lot going against us. God forbid that a woman should display a wrinkle or a gray hair that indicates that she may be older than she wishes to appear. Young women have it drummed into their heads that they must do anything to avoid appearing "mature." Therefore the multibillion dollar diet, cosmetics and plastic surgery industries exist.
Despite our age, my friends and I feel we still
At lunch that day, we came to the conclusion that women of our generation are unique. We were just about the last of an archetype. Most of us were strictly role players. When we were young, few of us questioned the script that we were expected to follow. Our lives were governed by the words "should, "ought to" and "have to." Even if we had a college degree, we were to marry, and after having kids, stay home and take care of the family. And then? Our options were limited.
When the kids got older and were mostly on their own, we finally recognized the source of our restlessness and many of us, inspired by the women's movement, came into our own in a way we never had experienced before. Not losing sight of the pleasures we still enjoyed from our family connections, we became more assertive, more authentic and much less interested in what other people thought. That was a big change for us.
You can imagine how delightful it was for those of us who had not drowned in the ocean of stereotypical roles to discover and resurrect talents and abilities that had been dormant for years. We plunged into new activities and many of us developed strengths we never knew we had. We worked through our values and learned that true fulfillment comes from personal growth, exploring our potential, and looking within instead of without for approval and contentment.
Although my friends and I look back to age 65 with longing, we aren't ready to be relegated to the dustbin. Our bodies may be thoroughly ripe and maybe even in some ways decaying, but our minds are still sharp. Too late for us to emulate Walter Cronkite or star in a sitcom, but with all of the life experience we are veritable encyclopedias of information about life's challenges. We've earned our stripes. Just ask us. When we get together, we can solve all the world's problems in nothing flat. (If those exasperating politicians would just listen!)
Before we left the restaurant, we agreed that we're all for going along with that feisty old people's advocate, Maggie Kuhn, who once said, "Old age is an excellent time for outrage. My goal is to say at least one outrageous thing every week."
Right on!
Dorothy Dimitre lives in Millbrae. She will celebrate her 80th birthday today with friends and family.
