OAKLAND — The event was well-attended, which was heartbreaking.

It meant the more than 150 people at Tuesday night's public memorial service held by the Oakland-based support group Families & Friends of Murder Victims were just that — people who had lost someone dear because of violence, because of someone's flash of anger or street bravado or criminal activity.

Yet these surviving friends and relatives who gathered at St. Columba Catholic Church in Oakland to honor their lost loved ones refused to let such darkness overcome them. Through silent and audible prayer, uplifting gospel, poetry and the lighting of candles, they pledged to carry on, support each other and reach out to those who may be going through the same thing as murders continue to mount in the East Bay.

"We wanted to give people hope during the holidays, and let them know they can call us and talk to us if they need help. And we want people to know their loved ones will never be forgotten," said JoAnn Benford, who co-founded the Oakland-Alameda County chapter of the national Families & Friends group in 1990.

Benford's son was stabbed to death in an East Oakland apartment in 1989. Co-founder Helene Davis lost her son nearly 18 years ago, shot three times in the head just after Valentine's Day.

Without fail, the group meets 7 p.m. on thefirst Tuesday of every month in a 12th-floor conference room at Kaiser Hospital in Oakland.

This time, instead of their regular

meeting, group members decided to hold a memorial service — their first. While there are other services to honor murder victims (the annual Evening of Remembrance event will be held 5 p.m. next Tuesday at the Jack London Inn at Jack London Square), the Families & Friends group felt it was the right time to offer a special event for their members and the public.

"This time of year is always hard, with Thanksgiving and Christmas," Davis said. "It's all about family, so you think about it more. It's been a little easier for me because more time has passed since my son was killed. But then sometimes it's even harder when I see my grandkids. My son has a daughter he never saw, and when I see her I start thinking about him and it all comes together like that."

In the church foyer, group members set up a display of photos and names of lost relatives. They greeted guests — a blend of ages, genders, races and religious beliefs. Some visitors sat in the church with friends or relatives. Others opted to sit alone in dim corners of the auditorium. Candles of many colors — dozens of them — lined two tables near the altar, to be lighted later in the service as the names of murder victims were read aloud.

The Rev. Jayson Landeza, pastor of St. Columba and chaplain for Oakland's police and fire departments, led a prayer. A gentle version of "Amazing Grace" was performed by gospel singer Lorraine Taylor, whose twin sons were murdered in 2000.

Recently retired Lt. Jim Emery, longtime head of Oakland's homicide division, and homicide detective Sgt. James Morris also addressed the group.

"So often we look at the homicides as numbers. That bothers me to my very spirit," Morris said. "These are lives that have been taken suddenly and violently. The families — their lives have been shattered. It's not just numbers."

For more information on Families & Friends of Murder Victims, call JoAnn Benford at 895-9440.