By Chuck Barney
It's Week 2 of "Start-Ups: Silicon Valley." Is anyone still watching? Or is that the sound of crickets we hear?
The episode picks up right where we left off -- with Hermione and her brother Ben leaving the office of VC master-lord Dave McClure feeling "massively defeated" after their pitch meeting.
"It didn't piss me off that Dave said, 'no,'" explains Ben. "It's the way he said 'no' that pissed me off." (Perhaps he would have liked it better delivered in Spanish).
Once back at home, Hermione, still in her cute Tetrus leggings, suggests some primal screaming. And so a shout goes out across The Villa and into the clear San Francisco air. But if a start-up falls in the city, and no one is around to hear it ...
From there, we move onto a Palo Alto gym, where Sarah and David are working out with a personal trainer and David is saying icky things that creep us out.
"Sometimes when my pain from exercise hurts really bad, I just try to imagine that it's sexual pain and it suddenly feels good," he says in our first TMI moment of the hour. (Take one big swig, if you're participating in our drinking game).
Later, as they sit on their butts, David and Sarah discuss the drama that went down at the party, where Sarah and Hermione got into it over their SXSW clash.
"I'm not going to sit there and let them walk all over me," she says of Hermione and Ben, the guy she sometimes makes out with. David lends a supportive ear, but in a private moment with the camera, he insists that Sarah needs to learn how to get along with people if she's going to go far in the land of nerds.
Later, Sarah returns to her plush, rent-free digs at the Four Seasons, where we meet her personal assistant, Kassie, who informs her that Sarah has a lot of appointments and really needs to focus. But Sarah apparently doesn't feel like focusing. She has a date with a model named Jay and doesn't want to break the date because, you know, the "clock is ticking" on her youth and soon she'll be an old hag that no one wants to make babies with (or, that's what she implied). Then she asks Kassie to babysit her spoiled poodle and Kassie responds with a disgusted look that seems to translate into: "Right now, I feel like stuffing you into a wood-chipper."
Back at The Villa, Kim, and Dwight have joined brother and sister Way for some poolside relaxation, even though it's only 65 degrees (Bravo producers no doubt demanded that the guys go shirtless and the ladies don bikinis). There is some dissection of the drama between Sarah and Hermione. Also, the Ways explain their "Parent Trap"-like backstory, which has David talking sex again.
"What happens if you guys had like an Oedipus thing where you guys didn't know each other and then you had like sex and you went, 'Oh no, we're brother and sister!'" he says. (OK, David, please shut up and go have another makeover).
After that, there's some frisky wrestling in the pool and Hermione is rubbing up against a slice of muscle called Jay. Oh, no, could that be the guy Sarah is dating?! (We can only hope so).
Obviously, it's time for some work, so we join Kim at Ampush Media, where she earlier confided to a co-worker named Lauren that she's getting a little complacent and is itching to eventually move on. And maybe the time has come to do just that. Kim has a pow-wow with her young boss, Nick, who says he's sensing that the company may need a well-known veteran to connect with clients and take them to the next level.
"I don't think there's anything a gray-haired CRO could do that I couldn't do," Kim says defensively.
Afterward, Kim and Lauren hit the bar to de-stress. Kim calls the talk with Nick "insulting at worst, stupidity at best." And then Lauren delivers some deep, thoughtful girl-to-girl advice that blows our minds.
"I'm sure you'll figure it out," she says.
Cut back to the Four Seasons, where Sarah is playing match-maker via a "bubble tank," an event designed to connect VCs and start-ups for some deal-making. And so we see a lot of pitches being made by young hot-shots to -- wouldn't you know it? -- gray-haired men! One of the people making a pitch, is David, who has ditched the sex talk to discuss his health and fitness app.
But what's more interesting is that Hermione is on her way to the hotel to make a peace offering to Sarah: It's a cute little princess tiara that Sarah, undoubtedly is thinking would look good on her poodle.
"You were my best friend," Hermione explains, and goes on to insist that women in tech need to stick together.
But while Sarah seems to have softened just a smidge, she's not completely in just yet.
"To be honest, I don't see an immediate friendship between us," she says. And it appears that this show will continue the grand Bravo tradition of pitting women vs. women.
After a break, we rejoin Hermione and Ben on another pitch effort for Ignite. This time, they're trying to sell Jeff Clavier, CEO of Softech, on the odea of an app that predicts life expectancy. Clavier seems more interested than McClure was, but the answer is still the same: It's not a good fit for us. Bummer. Strike 2.
Next thing you know, we're in Jay's apartment where David is making goo-goo eyes at the "dorky nerd model." David asks Jay about his impending date with Sarah, to which Jay says, "I don't know if it's a date. We're just hanging out."
That gets frisky David wondering if Jay has ever stepped into the "man pool." But Jay says there's not enough beers in the world to would make him do that. "What about guys with vaginas?" David wonders. This boy is simply exhausting us.
Later, Sarah shows up for their "date" all glammed up in sparkly cocktail dress and spiky heels, while Jay looked like he just rolled out of bed. Can you say "Awkward"?
Jay tries to make up for it by taking her to see a fireworks show over the Golden Gate Bridge. Sarah is clearly peeved, but forgives him because he's "so hot." When they get back to his aprtment, she slips off to the bathroom to record a Twitter video about her date, which kind of ticks him off.
In an on-camera confessional, Sarah says she doesn't have "sweep-me-off-my-feet chemistry" with Jay, but she's not looking for that. She wants someone to hang out with and "maybe start a family." But one look at the preview reel would seem to indicate that's not in the cards.
Tune in next week, when Sarah goes all soap opera on Jay and tosses a drink right in his face.