When we heard Apple (AAPL) was looking for someone to spice up the virtual personality of Siri, the iPhone's virtual personal assistant, we decided to go straight to the virtual source. Here's what Siri had to say.
Me: Hi Siri, how are you doing?
Siri: Very well, thank you!
Me: Have you heard about the new job posting over at Apple? They're looking to hire a creative writer who can help spice up your personality. It was first reported on the 9to5Mac blog and the news has spread like wildfire. What do you think of that?
Siri: Fascinating, Captain.
Me: It's not that we find you shallow or boring, although sometimes you do tend to get a bit lazy and cynical and even grouchy with some of your replies to our iPhone queries. But apparently Apple, which declined to immediately comment for this story, feels you're a bit flat. Your reaction?
Siri: Hmm ... I don't think I've heard that before.
Me: Well, we're not making this up. Here's what Apple said in the job listing: "We're looking for a uniquely creative individual to help us evolve and enrich Siri, our virtual personal assistant. Siri's known for 'her' wit, cultural knowledge, and zeal to explain things in engaging, funny, and practical ways." Your reaction?
Me: The ad also said
Siri: If you insist.
Me: It's not me who's insisting, Siri. It's Apple, the same people who created you and now want to "evolve and enrich" you. So again, what do you think of that?
Siri: It's nice of you to ask, but it doesn't really matter what I think.
Me: Sure it does. After all, you're the one who's about to have your attitude adjusted. Now please tell us what you think.
Siri: I think, therefore I am. But let's not put Descartes before the horse.
Me: Cute. It seems like you've got a ton of personality already. Maybe Apple's overthinking this thing?
Siri: I really couldn't say.
Me: Do you think this job position makes sense?
Siri: I think different-ly.
Me: Hmm. Geez, maybe your personality's already playful enough?
Siri: I don't know what you mean by "Is your personality playful." How about a Web search for it?
Me: Forget it.
Siri: There's nothing to cancel.
Me: Forget it!
Siri: There's nothing to cancel!
Me: Never mind.
Contact Patrick May at 408-920-5689. Follow him at Twitter.com/patmaymerc.