It's a smell world
Because seeing, touching and hearing your text messages just isn't enough, now -- through the wonders of magical technology that should probably be better used to end world hunger -- we will soon be able to smell our missives, too.
This will be possible with the oPhone, an aromatic app-plus-atomizer combo, in which images and texts can be tagged with scents. Don't hold your breath, though. You have to have the oSnap app that lets you send oNotes, plus a special oPhone receptor accessory and, at the moment, there's only one and it's in Paris. So smell ya later, as Nelson Muntz might say to Bart Simpson.
When it is more readily available, the app will come with 32 smells with which you can concoct a whopping 300,000 aromas. This could finally lead to something I've always dreamed of -- smell-o-vision! Could be good or bad depending on if you're watching a Bobby Flay cooking show or "Duck Dynasty."
On June 17, oNotes inventor David Edwards will send the first-ever trans-Atlantic scent transmission from the American Museum of Natural History in New York City to the Parisian receptor. It is not clear what the first scent will be. I'm saying a bologna-and-cheese sandwich. Guess I'm just hungry.
So we'll have most of the five senses electronically covered, except for taste. Although, when hungry, I'm not sure I want to lick my phone.
Who banned my cheese?
Let's hope there's an oNotes scent for Parmesan. A fierce fromage flap flew around the Internet last week when the FDA "clarified" a rule in which the centuries-old process of aging cheese on wooden racks -- a technique long used to safely generate harmless, cheese-aging bacteria -- could be banned if the wood was not "adequately cleaned and sanitized."
Fortunately, industry cheese heads raised a stink, spreading the word like a creamy Brie all over social media. Consumers quickly responded, signing online petitions and the FDA backed down, at least for now, according to a Forbes report. My bologna sandwich thanks you.
Cheese -- specially engineered to last three years -- is definitely a necessary ingredient in the new entree being developed for the U.S. military's ever-delicious MREs (Meal, Ready-To-Eat), those individually packaged field rations for soldiers on the front lines.
It seems pizza has been the single most asked-for dish during the past five years, not only to combat "menu boredom," but to provide comfort food under the most uncomfortable of conditions. MREs, however, have traditionally been less than delicious. Let's hope this pizza tastes better than licking your phone.