JaMarcus Russell is the heaviest, and Alex Smith is the happiest.
Donovan McNabb is the oldest, David Carr is the least significant, and Sam Bradford is the quarterback about to make the biggest killing in 2010.
Yes, it's all about QBs, even though we're four months from training camp and six months from the regular season.
As always in this QB-driven league, it's about charting the QBs — where they're going, how they look and what they cost.
With a sharp eye on our two frenzied Bay Area franchises, let's go through the QBs in the news . . .
JaMarcus Russell: What does it take for Al Davis to contemplate admitting a $40 million mistake?
Russell is giving us the template. Get drafted No. 1 overall, land a monster deal, appear listless and overweight for several years, then, finally, reportedly come to voluntary workouts far heavier than hoped.
After years of silence on the QB front — because Al was banking on Russell and Tom Cable was fine with Bruce Gradkowski — think those recent McNabb/Raiders reports came out of nowhere?
ESPN's Adam Schefter reported that Russell weighed 290 pounds when he reported to Alameda earlier this month. A source of mine said 271.
Either way, that's a lot of poundage for somebody who supposedly was working out like mad in Arizona this winter. Maybe that's the final straw for Al.
Remember, Russell has already been paid most of the money guaranteed in his rookie deal. If Al cuts him before this season, he will owe Russell only $3 million more — and won't have to pay the $6.45 million otherwise due Russell.
If the Raiders acquire McNabb, or any other high-profile QB, I think Russell would have to be willing to accept a major pay cut, or be released.
And Russell has said he wouldn't accept a pay cut.
Could this be Russell's passive-aggressive way of inducing Davis to let him escape from Raiders Island?
Donovan McNabb: The Raiders would be a terrible place for an aging, banged-up potential future Hall of Fame QB to end up, and McNabb knows it.
He would help the Raiders, no doubt; he would also be one bad hit away from retirement, while playing behind a woeful offensive line.
But the Raiders might be the only team willing to risk trading a good draft pick to the Eagles without agreeing to a long-term extension with McNabb, who is scheduled to make $11.2 million in his final contracted year.
That's how Al landed Richard Seymour last year — he likes to collect elite players, and if that means he has to go year-by-year with the contracts, that's fine.
So it's up to the Eagles: If the Raiders offer the most, do the Eagles send the face of their franchise to NFL purgatory, anyway?
Alex Smith: With Mike Singletary and Trent Baalke off together on a scouting trip, Smith might have been the strongest source of authority at the 49ers' OTAs this week.
For the first time in his six-year career, he doesn't have to learn a new system. For the time since 2007, Smith is going into a training camp healthy and listed as the No. 1 guy.
Who knows how it will turn out in September, but on Monday and Tuesday, Smith was as relaxed and confident — and accurate — as he has ever been as a 49er.
David Carr: Despite his No. 1 pick pedigree, Carr threw funny in Houston, threw funny the rare times he got to pass the ball in Carolina and New York, and yep, Carr threw it funny in his first practices as a 49er.
He tosses spirals, but Carr has a shot-put delivery, and some of his throws were as late and under-thrown as any I saw by Shaun Hill or Damon Huard last year.
If there's a training camp battle, and if Smith doesn't blow away Carr, the 49ers are in trouble. Because Carr is not the answer. He has never been the answer his whole NFL career.
Sam Bradford: After an impressive workout Monday, the Oklahoma star looks like the consensus No. 1 overall pick. But who's getting him?
St. Louis holds the pick, needs a QB and has been hinting Bradford for a few weeks. But recent trade rumors (with Washington) make sense to me. Can Bradford's shoulder hold up playing eight games a year on the Rams' hard plastic turf?
I wouldn't want to invest $40 million, or more, in a QB with that kind of question mark. Ask Al Davis, who might be about to write off his own glaring error.