New Warriors majority owner Joseph Lacob is ...
Well, he is not the old Warriors owner, so he has that going for him in the bloodshot eyes of arguably the NBA's most desperate and loyal fan base.
He also is not Oracle czar Larry Ellison, the world's sixth-richest man who lost out in the record bidding for Chris Cohan's Warriors.
But Lacob is a Warriors season-ticket holder. Fans, surely to their surprise, have shared a foxhole with him the past decade during the Cohan Cold War.
A teenage peanut vendor at Anaheim Stadium before striking it rich as a venture capitalist, Lacob is now the Warriors' front man. His ownership group splurged $450 million to rescue the Warriors from Cohan's 16-year, dreadful reign that, "we believe," featured only one playoff berth.
Lacob's wingman is Hollywood movie mogul Peter Guber, who has a fascinating screenplay in the works thanks to this surprising snatch of the Warriors from Ellison's clutches.
OK, so Lacob was not at the White House two weeks ago showing off the America's Cup to President Obama. Get over the fact Larry The Oracle Guy and Larry The Sailing Guy will not morph into Larry The NBA Guy. His billions will not be spent on the Warriors. Hey, maybe our America's Cup defense just got stronger.
Ellison called it "unusual" that his higher bid did not win. Tell it to the Cleveland Cavaliers, whose owner used much harsher terms when his more lucrative offer got bypassed in the LeBron James sweepstakes.
Bidding bon voyage to Ellison does not mean the Warriors got weaker, as if that was possible.
The Warriors simply needed an owner who will turn them into a legitimate contender rather than just a date-night option for a stubbornly loyal fan base that filled Oracle Arena during Cohan's dire reign.
Even an average Joe (Lacob) would be an improvement. His name might not ring as familiar as Ellison's. But Joltin' Joe — or, Joe "Corn On" Lacob — can make a loud name for himself throughout the NBA and Bay Area circles.
Lacob claims his group offers better basketball know-how than Cohan's other bidders. (Sidebar: No word if Lacob knows the starboard and port sides of a vessel.)
"It is our passion to return the Warriors to greatness," Lacob said in a statement, "and build nothing short of a championship organization that will make all of us in the Bay Area proud."
Rewind to that "all of us" phrase. He wants to stay in your inner circle. In contrast, Cohan (a seemingly nice man) became an outcast and a recluse who could not get the Warriors out of their tailspin and even got booed on his own court at the All-Star game.
Lacob joined the NBA fray in 2006 when he bought into the NBA's most decorated franchise, the Boston Celtics. Two years later, the Celtics won their unprecedented 17th NBA title, and this past season they were runners-up to the Lakers.
Rather than bore you with Lacob's exploits as a venture capitalist, let's sum it up this way: He's been handsomely rewarded for clocking in more than 20 years at Menlo Park-based Kleiner Perkins Caufield & Byers. He's made a comfy living off life-science ventures.
His connection to sports may not feature an America's Cup trophy, but he is intriguing.
He got weaned on basketball by watching the Celtics dynasty as a child in suburban Boston. The bar is set high, Warriors fans.
He sold peanuts at Angels Stadium while attending Katella High and UC Irvine. Gotta love guys who worked in stadium trenches (see: George Seifert, Kezar Stadium usher).
He is a longtime rooter at Stanford (where he got his MBA) and likes to sit courtside like another former student (see: Tiger Woods).
He carries at 7.8 golf handicap and barely missed the pro-am cut at this year's AT&T Pebble Beach National Pro-Am.
He lives in the ritzy Peninsula foothills and also has a house next to the 14th fairway at Pebble Beach Golf Links. Wait, he hasn't invited all Warriors fans over for a party? Yet?
Thursday was a monumental day in Warriors history. It was the best day Warriors fans have enjoyed since a 2007 first-round playoff upset of the Dallas Mavericks.
Here is what the best day may offer in Lacob's future as the Warriors owner: a championship celebration at the White House. Ahoy there, matey.
(As told to Marcus Thompson II)
"We're fans just like everybody else. We think we understand what has to be done. But I'm going to take my time."
"I think we wanted it more than the other (bidders) and I think we are more knowledgeable about basketball than all these other guys. And if I didn't think so we wouldn't have done this."
"This is all about winning. We're going to change the course of the franchise."
"Certainly, it occurred to us that given the history we could wind up looking pretty good. With their record (on the court), you couldn't go much lower than that, to be honest."
"I'm not going to comment on (the team's recent moves). I know they are doing the best they can do."
"We're going to do our damnedest to bring the Warriors to respectability on the basketball court."