You booze, you lose
Fun (?) fact: On any given day, 45 million people on the planet are drunk. This tipsy tidbit, courtesy of BBC-TV's "QI" (Quite Interesting), explains a lot of the stuff on Twitter. It's also quite probable that a sack of these soused saps might be your fellow co-workers who got glazed at your office holiday party -- a known breeding ground for eggnog-enabled embarrassing moments. Common sense and your mother would say, "Alcohol is the devil's brew. Have some warm milk instead, Pookie." OK, maybe only your mother would say that. But your good pal Mr. Hot Toddy surely will counter with, "Put that wastebasket on your head, do the fandango atop the Xerox machine, then photocopy your buns!"
Luckily, workplace expert Jennette Pokorny of EverNext HR offers some preventive tips for employers to help workers avoid the post-holiday party "walk of shame." For instance: Plaster your company code of conduct all over the place before the party (this may not help if you work in a strip club). Instead of free-flowing punch that packs one, offer a cash bar -- expensive drinks are sure to cut down on quantity consumed and the ensuing "You're an idiot!" emails to your boss. Or go entirely alcohol-free -- "dry" office parties are becoming a big trend, though someone's sure to sneak a collection of baby Bacardi bottles snagged from a BevMo bin. And even though it's funny, avoid a party playlist with "I'm Too Sexy" or "The Thong Song."
Apparently, few people have listened to Ms. Pokorny or even Mom for that matter because, according to condom-maker Trojan, work parties often lend a different meaning to the season of "giving," if you know what I mean, and I think you do.
In a national survey, Trojan found that 42 percent of men and 27 percent of women in the U.S. ages 18 to 34 say they've made a Christmas connection at, or shortly after, a holiday office party. (One would think the percentages would be about the same, so it's not clear who or what the guys are hooking up with. Just saying.)
I know that you -- especially if you're the office manager in charge of ordering anti-bacterial wipes -- can't wait to find out locations where these liaisons usually occur. Survey says: The majority mercifully end up at one of the workers' homes. But 18 percent of canoodling co-workers "booked" a conference room, 16 percent went first class in the mailing room (I didn't know we still had those), 10 percent promoted themselves on the boss's desk, and another 10 percent made more than copies of their buns in the copy room. Ick.
Now C this
If all this makes you want to take a shower, why not infuse the experience with vitamin C! Yes, for those who apparently don't know how to eat an orange, it's a big trend to install a vitamin C-infused filter to your shower head. The MGM Grand Hotel in Las Vegas offers such devices in its Stay Well rooms. And Leonardo DiCaprio is said to have one in his new "wellness-focused" New York condo.
Companies such as Vitashower, which make such devices, assert that the flowing C is good for your hair and skin because it counteracts the drying effects of chlorine in the water. Dermatologists say there's no evidence so far that it helps anything, but it also likely doesn't hurt. And at least your skin won't get scurvy. Pirates, rejoice.
-- Angela Hill, firstname.lastname@example.org
Follow her at Twitter.com/giveemhill.